Eat my words?

Back in January of this year I had the privilege of preaching on a Sunday morning. I really enjoy the times I have been able to do that.
I chose to talk about my life the past year or so and what God had been doing and how He had been challenging me.
Early in '08 my grandma passed away. She was a Christian and we new it was coming but loosing someone so close to you is still HARD.
A few months later my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and was also HER2positive which is an aggressive form of breast cancer.
Most of my sermon was focused on how I had been questioning all these sayings about God loving us and having a plan and all that stuff that we throw around way too loosely.

Anyway, the outcome of my search was that God, in fact, does have a plan. God does love me (and everyone) and even though my definition of "good" may be different from His in some respects (i.e. I think cancer is bad and it is but He can use it for good, therefore it is good) I have to rely on and trust in Him.

Well, here I am with an opportuniyt to eat my words or put my money where my mouth is. Two girls in our youth group just lost their mom this morning to Leukemia. 16 & 14yr old girls from this point forward don't have a mom in their life. A loving husband lost his wife. A set of parents just lost the 3rd of their 4 kids!

It BREAKS MY HEART and causes me to once again re-visit my questions and outcomes of previous searches.
I know God is big and has a plan and loves His children but I am forced, once again, to ask "WHY?"
and I prayerfully look forward to, if He allows me, see the answer to that question...